tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-268037332008-05-22T11:29:35.772-04:00jesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530888038079718421noreply@blogger.comBlogger358125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26803733.post-72798941227526149422008-05-22T10:30:00.004-04:002008-05-22T11:29:36.190-04:00

This year's finale was even more cobbled-together-variety-show-by-insane-people than it usually is, which I enjoyed a great deal. Ryan opened the show by lying to us yet again and trying to convince us that it was the best season ever. The rating say otherwise, Seacrest. The vote breakdown was 56%/44%, and naturally I assume wee David Archuleta spanked David Cook with his screaming cult of 12-

jesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530888038079718421noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26803733.post-88694523455454778292008-05-21T22:14:00.000-04:002008-05-21T22:21:47.154-04:00

Well peanuts, that's it... our long national nightmare is over. David Cook is your American Idol, much to my surprise and not so much to my delight. Expect my full recap tomorrow, and I do mean "full." So much to discuss! For instance, who stole Carrie Underwood's pants? How does Simon make his chest so very red and shiny? And what on earth did George Michael mumble during his banter with Ryan?

jesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530888038079718421noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26803733.post-45296153666170820082008-05-20T23:57:00.000-04:002008-05-21T02:09:22.537-04:00

Wow, so I wasn't so far off last week when I guessed that the Let's Get Ready to Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuumble! guy was in the audience. I'm a little shocked at my accuracy 'cause I totally pulled that out of my ass. I should really fish around in there for some number combinations and then take a crack at this week's Lotto. It's not everyone who has a magical, soothsaying rear end, you know.

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26803733.post-80302383929759264482008-05-15T13:35:00.004-04:002008-05-15T13:45:13.625-04:00

AOL Television posted a blogger prediction round-up today, and yours truly is quoted, along with a sweet link to this here blog. I think they went with my quote because it was the shortest after Mejack's, which advocated grievous bodily harm. I really thought the puppy kicking and porn references would get cut, though, but I'm glad they didn't. Check it out!

jesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530888038079718421noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26803733.post-35355373738444896452008-05-14T22:40:00.010-04:002008-05-15T00:11:50.659-04:00

Well, that was a pointless exercise. I'm not even going give you people on the west coast a spoiler alert because, really, are the results even surprising? The Davids advance while Syesha is Sarasota-bound. Starting off the colossal waste of time was the group sing. This week's ritual slaughter was "Ain't No Stopping Us Now," complete with choreography! You know, for a supposed bad ass rocker,

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26803733.post-55814060956308917992008-05-14T11:48:00.007-04:002008-05-14T12:37:09.624-04:00

Lest anyone ever claim that American Idol is not completely fixed, I present to you tonight's episode. With a few exceptions, everyone associated with this show wants David Cook to win and hates Syesha Mercado. Weirdest song choices ever, which made the fact that I don't care about any of these people less of a factor and allowed me to actually get through it. Let's get to it then, shall we?

jesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530888038079718421noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26803733.post-36919048474086794722008-05-12T18:28:00.003-04:002008-05-14T12:29:38.018-04:00

Question: So who do you ladies' think is going to win this thing? Jess says: I think the Davids will make up the final two, and my money's on creepy David Archuleta to win the whole thing. What? He's creepy. Don't front. You know he is -- you just don't want to say it out loud because he's sunshine and rainbows and puppies and if you say it, it's like you're kicking a puppy. Luckily, I kick

jesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530888038079718421noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26803733.post-26949002376593009802008-05-06T22:00:00.001-04:002008-05-06T22:06:41.788-04:00

Four folks left. Three have been number one in votes. Competition is closer than ever. YOU MUST VOTE! This… is… American… Idol. Randy Jackson bedazzled his hoodie for the show. Paula Abdul came straight from her cameo in the Saturday Night Fever remake and Simon Cowell, well, looks like Simon Cowell. Ryan Seacrest's faux-haux isn't as symmetrical as I'd like. In the audience tonight: • Luke

jesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530888038079718421noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26803733.post-90887148134236597842008-04-30T22:44:00.004-04:002008-05-01T12:27:19.190-04:00

Like, I know Neil Diamond is a legend and crap but I have to say, this week's show? Not so memorable. Perhaps I was just distracted by all the shiny sequins on Neil's shirts in the tribute montage thingy. Is it just me or was that sequence quite heavy on The Jazz Singer clips? I think I need to add that movie to my Netflix queue. I haven't seen it in ages. I remember Laurence of Arabia played

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26803733.post-37628365601186795962008-04-30T10:37:00.007-04:002008-04-30T14:38:41.029-04:00

Recap's a-comin' folks but for now, I thought I'd resurrect one of last season's weekly features on American Midol: The Paula Abdul Insanity Index. Girlfriend more than earned this cheeky repeat last night when she critiqued Jason Castro's second song... before he even sang it. She looked beyond befuddled as Randy and Simon tried to steer her back into the land of sanity. That was an exercise

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26803733.post-55448477755109531822008-04-23T23:12:00.004-04:002008-04-23T23:47:56.425-04:00

This show officially disgusts me. First, we were beaten senseless with a nasty, off-key "All I Ask of You" group sing complete with Sir Andrew's piano accompaniment. My that man has an awkward relationship with the camera, doesn't he though?! When not gesturing like a goon, he had a tendency to expose his bottom lip and flash his his lower set of yellowing teeth. Tres chimp-like. His behavior

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26803733.post-64878743523894923992008-04-23T17:06:00.007-04:002008-04-23T17:47:46.713-04:00

That title is for you theater geeks up in the hizzy. Song and Dance, represent! Ahem. So last night was Andrew Lloyd Webber night on Idol, something I had dreaded even more than Mariah's appearance. I'm soundly in the Stephen Sondheim camp, you see. Sir Andrew is a right wanker, yo. While I was totally expecting some of the contestants to tank, I will admit that many of them surprised me with

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26803733.post-61614749755460774472008-04-22T21:17:00.006-04:002008-04-23T17:02:56.280-04:00

Happy Earth Day, people! To celebrate, Idol will be using green power at the finale. Baby steps, right? It's Andrew Lloyd Webber week. Jesus. Why is Idol doing this to us? It's like Beatles II: Electric Boogaloo times six thousand. Syesha Mercado is doing "One Rock N' Roll Too Many," and I hate this show for making me have to look up every goddamn song. I'm not a big musical theater person,

jesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530888038079718421noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26803733.post-1141712442422419982008-04-16T23:21:00.003-04:002008-04-16T23:26:27.362-04:00

The good news is, I'm all done with culinary school hell and will actually have the time and energy to post on a regular basis! The bad news is, one of these youngsters has to pack up his or her dreams and head back from whence they came. But first there's something important we need to discuss. What is that monstrosity around Paula Abdul's neck? It looks like a flower bouquet ate and then threw

jesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530888038079718421noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26803733.post-9128302288790042612008-04-15T21:04:00.005-04:002008-04-16T11:20:10.532-04:00

Every week, Ryan McDouchebag puts a longer pause after the word “This…” and before the words “is American Idol”. Tonight’s pause was about 45 minutes long. Enough with the drama, Queen. Gawd! Oh. Mariah Carey is in the hizzouse tonight. Goody. I’m sure we’ll be treated to her freakish nose-whistling and breathy lisp. I can’t wait. By the way, I hope you picked up on my sarcasm, because I’m

redhotjezebelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09706571240996201351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26803733.post-42788689249230920732008-04-12T10:23:00.005-04:002008-04-12T10:34:05.867-04:00

Goodbye, my almost lover. "Almost lover" in my brains, that is. I talked it over with Jason Castro, and I picked him as my man-boy love servant anyway, so I'm not completely heartbroken that you're outie. Michael Johns, your tour ends here. Errrrr... wait, that's the hit-the-curb line from "Rock of Love". Whatever. I think it was all those farkatke CRAVATS. Laterz, MJ. Go record an album.

redhotjezebelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09706571240996201351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26803733.post-7694287638643336102008-04-08T22:50:00.006-04:002008-04-08T23:01:57.247-04:00

Three nights of Idol this week, peanuts. I know, I'm crying, too. The theme is inspirational songs, because it's Idol Gives Back week. Just hearing those words come out of Ryan Seacrest's mouth brings back my debilitating migraine from this morning. Michael Johns is up first, and he's wearing another cravat, and singing Aerosmith's "Dream On," because he came to this country with a dream. Has

jesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530888038079718421noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26803733.post-47123212051086768762008-04-02T23:00:00.002-04:002008-04-02T23:08:15.792-04:00

"9 to 5" medley: More awful dancing. The guys all sounded super weird singing it. The girls sounded okay, even Kristy Lee Cook. The contestants came off the stage to fondle the judges for awhile. God, I hate the medleys so much. They are painfully cheesy, and not kitschy cheesy, which I like. Just straight up Gouda. Aside: I love Dolly Parton so, so much. She's a national treasure. I do miss her

jesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530888038079718421noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26803733.post-63574649094048894242008-04-02T07:50:00.004-04:002008-04-02T07:56:45.277-04:00

Well, the cards are stacked against me. This week, I fell for Time Warner’s evil ploy again: I had to take a few phone calls during the prime “American Idol” hour last night, and even though I had my TV on and was watching “Idol” while I chatted away, I also set my DVR to record the show so I would be able to absorb the subtle nuances and general Seacrest douchiness that I knew I would miss while

redhotjezebelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09706571240996201351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26803733.post-55331356163669354822008-03-27T00:07:00.001-04:002008-03-27T00:09:56.320-04:00

Later, Fat Alfonso Ribeiro. But before we get to the results… You officially have until March 31st to enter your schmaltzy, forgettable song for the songwriter competition. Get composing, Marcy. The medley was painful, especially the David Cook/Michael Johns chest bump. A close second was Kristy Lee Cook's singing, and third, as much as it pains me to say it, Jason Castro's dancing, although

jesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530888038079718421noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26803733.post-9901103024035537712008-03-26T13:02:00.002-04:002008-03-26T13:05:01.076-04:00

People, David Cook does not have brain cancer. His brother Adam does, and I've read conflicting reports about what type of cancer and how serious it is. I've also read that the "AC" on David's guitar stands for "Adam Cook." This is all message board stuff, though, none confirmed, so take it as you will. But because you're all obviously very worried, I assure you that David Cook is just fine.

jesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530888038079718421noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26803733.post-11109604531919537032008-03-25T23:08:00.016-04:002008-03-26T04:45:23.362-04:00

Tonight's show had the contestants singing songs from the year they were born. At one point, I was all, "Duh, why not just make the theme be 1987?!" since it seemed everyone was born that year. Alas, I was wrong. Dude, David Archuleta was born in 1990. That means, he's the same age as my friend's son... the friend who had to miss the prom because she was, you know, giving birth. Crazy. But, once

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26803733.post-89591947318668479892008-03-21T13:21:00.003-04:002008-03-21T13:59:17.250-04:00

So remember when Taylor Hicks won American Idol, and David Hasselhoff and I both burst into tears, me because I was weeping for the utter stupidity of my dialing countrypersons, and the Hoff because he was presumably one of said countrypersons? Well, not so, as it turns out. He of the momentous German fame told TMZ that he was sitting next to his friend who had brain cancer who has since passed

jesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530888038079718421noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26803733.post-65764340279965390772008-03-19T22:21:00.011-04:002008-03-19T23:37:21.538-04:00

I could lie and tell you that I knew exactly who was going to be sent home tonight but I'd be a lying sack of shit if I did that. I never actually posted my predictions this week but had I done so, I would have once again waved buh-bye to Kristy Lee Cook. I would have also predicted that Syesha and Ramiele would be sitting alongside her in the Stools o' Shame nervously awaiting their fate. Had I

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26803733.post-35371038738033001172008-03-19T12:54:00.007-04:002008-03-19T13:06:51.761-04:00

From the inbox: Where can I find the dress that Syesha Mercado was wearing on last night's show (3/18/08)? Who was the manufacturer or where was it purchased? Website? Thanks. - Geri Well Geri, it's a good thing we have some fashionista friends (Thanks Betony!) who can answer these difficult questions. I believe this is the dress you speak of, yes? You can buy it here. And, if anyone has

jesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530888038079718421noreply@blogger.com