Friday News Update: Jessica Sierra Edition

Remember Jessica Sierra? I don't, actually, because I skipped season four and its barrage of hairy men. Her official bio says she's from Florida, and likes country music. Anyway, homegirl's been all over the news lately. That's her mugshot. So without further ado, I bring you a very special edition of your daily news update.

The Arrest Details
Two weeks after pleading no contest to charges of battery and possession of cocaine stemming from an arrest in April, Jessica was arrested again for causing an "unspecified disturbance" at the Full Moon Saloon near Tampa, where she worked. She could face up to 11 years in prison on charges of disorderly intoxication, resisting arrest and violating parole. Bonus: she allegedly used racial slurs and offered a police officer sexual favors for her release.

The Pregnancy
She also has a baby on the way. The baby daddy is a "rapper," and Jessica is said to be "ecstatic." I would be too if I was going to have a baby in prison! Congratulations, Jessica.

The Sex Tape
Vivid Entertainment, the company that specializes in C-list celebrity sex tapes, is adding Jessica Sierra to their impressive roster of talent. "Jessica Sierra Hardcore" is now on DVD. Order yours today! (Site not entirely safe for work)

The Reality Show
Set your DVRs! In January 2008, Jessica will star in Celebrity Rehab With Doctor Drew alongside Andy Dick, Tome Sizemore, Brigitte Nielsen and Daniel Baldwin. On VH1, natch. In other news, I AM SO WATCHING THAT.

Tuesday News Update

An aside. I was at Virgin Megastore last night buying my moms the new Alicia Keys CD and they had a "new releases" board up top behind the registers. Blake Lewis was on it, alongside legitimate musicians. Wrong? Perhaps. But I'm not here to make fun of Blake Lewis. I'm here to bring you the news! So here I go:

Reality TV Good for Minorities
With no end to the writer's strike in sight, reality television is about to get huge, because it's been under the radar for so long. And shows like American Idol boast a diverse cast, with minorities frequently winning. And Tila Tequila and William Hung are good for minorities. What? Yeah, I don't know, either.

Alice Cooper and Jordin Sparks Dedicate School of Rock
Do I need to even comment on that one? No. Awesome.

Paula's Pee Stolen
A man who once worked at a gynecologist office Paula Abdul went to -- a self-described "fan" -- stole a urine sample of hers. He was fired, natch. I hope he wasn't planning to pass it off as his own to pass a drug test.

something the pointer sisters said...

i don't usually use the pointer sisters as a reference point for quippy quotes, but dang it, i'm so excited, and i just can't hide it.

there. i said it. i'm not saying it makes me proud; i clearly have no pride left. i'm also completely gorked on cold medicine at the moment so i might prattle on about kittens and bamboo handbags. i'm not sure. we'll see.

i'm truly ecstatic to be contributing to this season's american midol and i am certainly in the midst of some impressive characters.

i think the thing i'm the most stoked about this season is the trainwreck we all know as paula abdul, especially since the bravo network debuted her reality show, "hey paula". sadly, paula pulled the plug on her own reality series, presumably, at least to me, because she actually watched it and realized what a hot mess she really is while the cameras are rolling. one has to assume that she doesn't tivo her appearances on idol and that she is just effed up enough on a regular basis to consider her on-and-off-camera behavior "normal". if you ask me, i'd tell you i think i like paula better when she's all hopped up on goofballs. she's much calmer and less scream-y.
plus, you know, it's just funnier.

i'm also looking forward to the truly craptastic ford commercials the contestants shoot. the musical arrangements and vocals are reminiscent of horrible early 60's elevator muzak arrangements and ironically, i don't think they're supposed to be. they're horrifically delicious. so there's that.

what does this season hold in store for idol fans? well, if we've learned anything from the past bajillion seasons, it's that this season's contestants will suck, too.

peace out for now, idol fans!

melissa

We're Back, Bitches

So you know how we said we were going to post on the off-season? Well, that was stupid of us, and we aren't going to promise that anymore. What we are going to do, when this season ends and we sober up and restore our faith in humanity, is have a sign-up form which will enable us to notify you when we're starting the countdown for the next season. And then the show will probably get cancelled.

It's countdown time, angels! 32 days! We're going to try to post every day from now until then, and once the show gets started, well, there'll be no stopping us!

Before I get into the news, I have a very important announcement. Those of you who are regular Midol readers may be familiar with commenter Melissa McGee, she of the hilarious commentary. I believe she coined the term "old man mouth" as it relates to Blake Lewis. Anyway, we're delighted to announce she'll be joining our esteemed ranks this season! And also, Mejack, Curly and I will be live-blogging the premiere from the Official Idol Premiere Headquarters®, AKA Mejack's new apartment.

And without further ado, here's the first of many news roundups:

Britney's Banned
New season, new show formula. In the show's seventh season (Which Nigel Lythgoe claims has the best singers yet. Yawn.), contestants will be allowed to play instruments on stage, which means this season's Chris Daughtry will be even more annoying. Also, there will be fewer celebrities this year, which means less bitchy fun for us. Also, NO BRITNEY SPEARS. EVER.

Football, Now With More Jordin!
Jordin Sparks has been tapped (not by Curly, unfortunately for Curly) to sing the Star Spangled Banner at Superbowl XLII. Also, until I read that article, I completely forgot that Jordin won last year. That either shows how not-memorable the show's sixth season was, or how much pot I smoked in my youth.

Idol Cast-offs to Appear on Bones
Season 6 camera bangers Brandon Rogers and Ace Young will be guest starring on a not-yet-announced episode of Bones. In other news, Bones is still on. Who knew?

America Still Under the Daughtry Spell
Those rock-groupies-turned-soccer-moms sure have a lot of buying power. Billboard has named his boring, formulaic, depressing album the best seller of 2007. America, please, put down the punch. There is much better music available to you.

Clay Aiken on Broadway
In what's possibly the most bizarre news ever, Sir Clay has signed on to play Sir Robin in Spamalot from January 18 through May 4, 2008. And I am too flummoxed to even make a joke about it right now.