Link it Up, Baby. Link … it … Up

Today's 'Idol' News:

Paul Abdul is not Ryan Seacrest's BFF (Portsmouth Herald)

Kellie Pickler isn't shutting up any time soon (Charlotte Observer)

Abemarle loves a parade (Charlotte Observer)

Even 'Idol' losers are winners, well, except for Justin Guarini (Richmond Times-Dispatch)

Why there almost wasn't an American Midol Blog, and why no one watches UPN (New York Times)

With Kellie Pickler gone, Vote for the Worst takes on Taylor Hicks. In other news, Vote for the Worst has very little effect on the actual voting process. (Vote for the Worst)

FINALLY

I was sure it was either Paris or Elliot but my country came through.

KELLIE PICKLER. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I am beginning to forgive America for voting off Bucky Covington now that they have voted off Pickler. SHE IS THE MOST ANNOYING HUMAN THAT WALKS THIS PLANET and I can't believe how many people liked her. I am told that her performance on Tuesday night was horrible but I can't remember because all I can recall is that GIANT BOUFFANT on the top of her head. What WAS that? While she was on Layne remarked that he found it unbelievable that she has not been taken out by a sniper. Everyone else was pretty boring although Chris Daughtry surprised me with the Bryan Adams. Jess and I were in firm agreement that he would sing either Staind or Bon Jovi. Taylor Hicks was so-so. Paris Bennett was yawnsville. I think Elliott Yamin did pretty well. I hated Elliott for such a long time but now I like him. I tend to root for the underdog.

Quickie Recap

I have only one observation from tonight's boring installment of 'American Idol'... Guy Who Ran Over Ben Vereen with His Car is a bit of a dick. Then again, he's the one responsible for making Celine a household name. So why am I surprised again?

Goodbye to Ace (Sung to the Tune of "Goodbye to You")

Unfortunately, I don't have predictions to contribute this week, because Time Warner Cable is determined not to let me watch 'American Idol'. I'm fighting them, though, and believe me when I say I will win or die tryin'. Anyway, I hope that Ace goes home, and if it's not Ace, it's The Pickle, because my love for her, as well as the love of many others, wilted like a daisy in a sauna when she said, "What's a ballsy?" and for that she must be punished, and that punishment is not becoming the next American Idol. All that doesn't mean I can't share Mejack's and Curly's predictions, though.

Mejack:
Bottom three: Ace, Elliot, Pickler
Going home: Ace

Curly:
Bottom three: Also Ace, Elliot and Pickler
Going home: Elliot

Me: Fuck it. I'll make predictions anyway. I read everything Idol related this morning, so I'm qualified.
Bottom three: Ace, Elliot, Paris
Going home: Ace (And this time I mean it. Go home, you wispy-tendriled camera fucker)

An 'American Idol' Epiphany

I had a realization during Daughtry's take on "What a Wonderful World" tonight. When boyfriend's not screaming into his mic and channeling his inner Stapp, he sounds just like Enrique Iglesias. It's true! I was beside myself with glee when I made this discovery (I'm easy to please, obviously).

You can run, you can hide... but you can't escape the comparisons to crap ass singers, Chris Daughtry!

All You Need is Midol

A moment of silence for Bucky please.

***

Chris Daughtry: I was completely frightened by the zoot-suit-chainwallet-rollup-sleeves-inside-tie thing but otherwise pretty good.

Paris Bennett: She's good but I am really over seeing her mother cry.

Taylor Hicks: I love that song and he did it justice. Not many people can pull off Sam Cooke.

Elliott Yamin: I no longer have quarrel with Elliott.

Katharine McPhee: She sang well. OF COURSE SHE DID. This is the only kind of stuff she knows how to sing. I did not think that she was in a "class by herself" but admittedly she did well. THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT I LIKE HER.

Kellie Pickler: CATERWAUL. She choked. She choked BAD and it was funny.

Ace Young: PAINFUL. It was like watching Kevin Federline auditioning to be a Bee Gee. STOP STOP STOP with the DUMB FALSETTO already.

AMERICA I IMPLORE YOU TO RID OUR AIRWAVES OF ACE FEDERGIBB ALREADY.

And there you have it.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY?!?!?!?!

BUCKY OVER ACE?!?!?!?!

I am not watching anymore. This competition is clearly and definitely fixed.

America, you are an asshole.

I love Bucky Covington.

It's Unanimous

Here are the Idol predictions for tonight (Drumroll please...)

Me:
Bottom three: Ace, Elliot, Paris
Going home: Ace

Mejack:
Bottom three: Ace, Katharine, Paris
Going home: Ace

Curly:
Bottom three: Ace, Bucky, Chris
Going home: Ace.

It was nice knowing you, Ace, and by "nice" I mean it totally sucked, every painful minute of it.

More American Midol

My Americon Idol Post-Stress Wrapup:

1. Bucky: Well Done. You rock on with your bad self Bucky.

2. Ace: He clearly has the Stapp-Jesus-on-the-cross-arm-outstretched thing down. I love that he got SHUT DOWN when Brian May told Ace that he was not going to play his arrangement. Good for you Brian May. Ace sucks so bad. He rocks no one and his middle part butt cut really bums me out. AMERICA -- HAVEN'T WE HAD ENOUGH OF ACE?

3. Pickler: It was like Jessica Simpson was trying to channel Lita Ford. WAYNE AND GARTH did a better rendition. That was the WORST and the only reason she gets any praise is Simon wants to bang her. Whatever Pickler. You DO have an accent -- a big dumb redneck accent -- you fucking inbred twit.

4. Daughtry: What WAS that?

5. Fuck you everyone who sucks for making me say that Elliot was ok. I HATE Elliott.

6. McPhee became McFeeble. TOTAL COP OUT SONG. I don't care what they said -- she chickened out and was afraid to do something different than her Celine Dion-esque approach to songs. Even though she is a good singer -- that song was so screechy and out of tune it was almost painful.

7. Taylor: Taylor rules. So what if he can't kick straight. He can out twitch anyone and it's interesting how he keeps the audience in supense over whether or not he will have a seizure.

8. Paris: Eh. It's interesting how she changes her look over and over. Everyone else always looks the same.

For the record, I voted twice for Bucky and once for Taylor.

Curly is Wrong, I Hope

Here are the predictions:

Mejack:
Bottom three: Ace, Bucky, Elliott
Going home: Ace

Yours Truly:
Bottom three: Ace, Elliot, Paris
Going home: Ace

Curly:
Bottom three: Ace, Bucky, Paris
Going home: Bucky

Let me just state for the record that, should Bucky go home, it's not because he isn't well liked. It's because everyone who would have voted for him got their phone turned off last week. I can say things like that because I come from a long line of white trash.